"Is there anyone here with you?" The moment the doctor asked me that I knew it was cancer.
It began with some abdominal discomfort at the end of September and a couple of trips to two different clinics. The second doctor thought something was odd and sent me for an ultrasound then a CT scan which was followed by another ultrasound and a final CT scan biopsy. After two months my worst fear was realized, I had cancer. Cancer is such a common word but when you find out you have it then it's a whole different matter.
The diagnosis came on December 5 a few hours before basketball practice for my under 17 Brantford Briers girls team. As soon as I heard the diagnosis everything kind of went into shut down mode. All I thought about was death and that it wouldn't be far off. My first thought was to remove myself from everything. I sent a message through a fellow coach for my team that I was giving up coaching immediately and that I had cancer. It was surreal as a few hours earlier I was excited about our first tournament beginning the next day. I spent the rest of the evening stunned and trying to figure out how to deal with it. My surgeon told me it wasn't caught early but that was all he knew. The next day the doctor at my clinic told me it was mid to late stage and she couldn't tell me the prognosis but, "none of us know how much time we have so live each day as best I can". I call her Dr. Death. They both referred me to Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton but I would wait two weeks to see the oncologists. I expected to spend the next two weeks in a daze while I waited for my prognosis of an early death.
Friday came but I was still in a blur not having slept and still reeling from the bad prognosis. Tonight my team would be playing and another coach would be on the bench for the rest of the year. As game time got closer my wife, Carolyn, pushed me to go and watch the team play. It would get my mind off of cancer for a bit and the team and parents would appreciate seeing me. I ceded to her suggestion and went to the game. Women seem to be smarter, sadly.
We got to St. Thomas More and went to sit with the parents where we got more hugs than one person would ever want or need. The game was about to start but the parents kept telling me to go sit on the bench. Reluctantly, I started to cross the floor when the parents and relatives, 20 or so people, stood up and applauded. The girls saw I was there and started cheering me on. I got kind of choked up and took a seat on the bench. The girls played their butts off that night and easily beat a good team from Brampton. Before the game one mother had sent me an email telling me her daughter is playing basketball for me.
I've been with them ever since and being in the gym working with a great bunch of kids is a whole lot better than feeling sorry for myself. Thankfully, my family, friends and my team have been so supportive and reminded me it's pretty great to be alive.
That was enough for me to decide I wasn't sitting back and waiting for cancer to stop my life. It's like that quote from Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living or get busy dying." I'm going with the first one!
#shitkickcancer
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