Cancer, ugh!: Sorry cancer but I'm busy. Just leave a message at...

Cancer, ugh!: Sorry cancer but I'm busy. Just leave a message at...: When I found out I had cancer the first thing I did was quit everything, including coaching for 24 hours. Cancer made me feel like I could d...

Sorry cancer but I'm busy. Just leave a message at the beep!

When I found out I had cancer the first thing I did was quit everything, including coaching for 24 hours. Cancer made me feel like I could do nothing but be 'cancer guy'! Why? Because I kept reading about people who had to step away because of cancer.

Philadelphia Flyers coach, Roger Neilson, took a leave of absence while he fought bone cancer.

A high school coach from Newfoundland stepped away for a year with lymphoma.

NFL coach, Chuck Pagano, had a replacement while he fought leukemia. 

Andy Reid of the Philadelphia Eagles battled the cancer, Terrell Owens, and made it to a Super Bowl. Sorry TO, I'm just kidding. I felt a moment of brevity was needed.

Cancer has caused me to miss a single practice and I have no intention to give it a chance to get in my way of living a happy life. I haven't missed a day of work or time with my family nor do I intend to let it. However, cancer was used as an excuse for leaving Homesense while my wife looked at cushions for an hour. Thanks cancer!

Cancer does not come with a rule book which is both a good and bad thing. How am I supposed to act and what should I do? My sense of humor has been active in the fight and I ask my friends and coworkers to do the same.

Me: My doctor is saying the only thing that could save me is a large order from you.

Customer: It'll be sad to see you go so young.

I feel like to "fit in" I should be looking sad, walking slowly and sitting at home. Screw that! When I go to the cancer centre I always go in with a huge smile and a skip in my step. Cancer will NOT ruin my day. I try to do the same thing on chemo days:

      2:00 Chemotherapy

      5:30 Pickup Rebecca and have dinner

      6:45 U17 Practice

      9:00 Walk dog for half an hour

      10:00 Gym and workout for 90 minutes

I've decided to keep active and do everything I can to be me. That includes being sarcastic, yelling, cursing, coaching, never sitting still, joking, having fun, hanging with family and working. Every now and then I remember I have cancer and I feel a little down but then I shake my head or I get an email or message from someone, often a former player, about something from the past and I laugh, smile or tear up and I'm my regular dickhead self again. Thanks Flynn for the most recent "Paul was a knob story." Yes, I realize I can be a dick from time to time...ok, most of the time.

Cancer has been a great learning experience. I've discovered there are a lot of people who care about me, I might be stronger than I thought, cancer isn't who I am but something I have, teams remain strong even twenty years after you've been together and at Brantford General Hospital they will NOT give you a picture of your testicles during a scrotal ultrasound but if I was pregnant I could have all the pictures I want! Double standard! Also, the technician will look uncomfortable for the duration of your visit after being asked for a picture of the scrotal ultrasound.

We are three weeks away from the end of our season, a season that I have battled cancer every day but I have not allowed it to cause me to miss a game and all but one practice. I've come to believe that I'm going to beat it by focusing on getting through a season at a time because to miss a game or practice because I let cancer beat me would just piss me off! In three weeks I'll be undefeated as a coach fighting cancer, 1-0! See you next season.

"Our Lady of Victory...PRAY FOR US!" Notre Dame Football

#shitkickcancer

Syracuse Men's Basketball, Jim Boeheim, beat prostate cancer just like I plan on doing!

Cancer, ugh!: Doctors, few are called but many answer.

Cancer, ugh!: Doctors, few are called but many answer.: Doctor Buster: Do you know why we use two fingers? Me: No idea. Doctor B.: It's a second opinion. (Laughing) The signs of my cancer bega...

Doctors, few are called but many answer.

Doctor Buster: Do you know why we use two fingers?

Me: No idea.

Doctor B.: It's a second opinion. (Laughing)

The signs of my cancer began in mid-September with visits to two different doctors and after eight months I've been treated and assessed by eleven doctors. I've now formed the opinion that doctors are like every other job; 10% are great, most are decent at doing the basics of their job and 10% are working in the wrong field. The eleven doctors I've seen fit this opinion with one exception, at Juravinski Cancer Centre I've only run into one doctor who was anything less than great.

The first doctor I saw in September was at a walk-in clinic in Cambridge. I described my abdominal discomfort answered her questions about diet, exercise and when it started. She never examined me physically nor came within 5 feet of me but suggested I ease my diet change slowly as going from an unhealthy diet to a diet high in fruits and vegetables was the likely culprit causing my abdominal pain. Thanks Doc! If you performed a physical exam maybe you might have noticed the 5cm lump that was cancer.

Two weeks later, my second doctor performed a physical exam and didn't like what she felt and rushed a series of tests. After a couple of CT scans, ultrasounds, 31 probing fingers and a biopsy, they found my cancer. One doctor pushed me through without really knowing the cause of the pain while the other wanted answers. How many others will the first doctor miss during her career? My second doctor later disappointed me when she broke the news I had cancer. She said it was likely late stage and to all my questions all she could offer was some sleeping pills to help me sleep. I went home and waited for two weeks knowing there was no hope because she took it from me in her office. However, I'll be eternally grateful to her for following her hunch and pushing for an answer to the cause of my pain.  

The surgical resident at Brantford General needs to learn how to act around patients. While I waited for the surgeon she asked me many questions about my symptoms and family history. I knew where she was going so I asked her about the likelihood of cancer. She smiled and giggled uncomfortably. When I asked her more questions about cancer and treatment she gave me the same uncomfortable smiles and surppessed laughter. If you find yourself so awkward when dealing with a worried patient you may be best suited for a lab, far from ill people.

Dr. N and Dr. Z. At Juravinski Cancer Centre. I was at my most vulnerable when I walked through the doors at Juravinski having spent two weeks waiting with only two things consuming my thoughts, late stage cancer and 'inoperable'. Dr. Z met with us for thirty minutes and seemed to always know what we needed to hear or were afraid to ask. We felt helpless and hopeless but she treated us like we were the only people she was helping and gave us hope and told us they knew cancer and how to treat it. Dr. N came in echoed much of what she said and gave us as much time as we needed, dividing it equally between my wife and I. They understood what a diagnosis like cancer does to a family and they included Carolyn instead of ignoring her. Far from having a God complex they talked of how they wanted to pull in other doctors and come up with the best plan possible. 

Dr. Buster, I can't say enough about this man. I'm glad he came into my battle with cancer. His passion, energy and desire to treat the patient are indescribable. He makes a connection to you like no doctor I've ever met. My cancer is rare for a person my age which is good and bad. It's good because I'm younger and healthier than the typical patient but it's bad because the most common treatments are aimed at keeping old men alive for 5-10 years or so until they die of natural causes. 

Dr. Buster is constantly running my case by his peers and reaching out to other doctors who he thinks might be able to contribute in my fight against cancer. I've received calls from his office in the evening addressing my concerns, stories of success, nutritional help, humor, a constantly evolving treatment plan, focus on Carolyn and her feelings, bringing another oncologist into the fold who is one of the best in Canada, pushing for a cure, having the best nurse I've ever met and making me feel like I'm the only patient he's treating. I wish every doctor could follow his example just like I'd love it if every teacher taught like Mrs. Richard. 

Dr. Buster informed me yesterday my PSA has dropped from 329.8 to 0.21 due to treatment. Cancer is being fought!

Me: I'm writing a blog and you're in it. I don't use your real name. I call you Dr. Buster.

Dr. B: Dr. Buster (shaking his head)? You're getting this next time (Waves 3 fingers).

Fighting cancer is fun! If you like a challenge and want to see what you're made of and how many wonderful people you have in your life then I suggest consulting with your physician about getting cancer. All joking aside, some days you hit rock bottom and can't see ever feeling good again and then you get an email from an old player at just the right moment with just the right words and you're up and ready to fight again! Thanks Kerri. :)

"Son in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him."

Father Cavanaugh, Rudy (1993)

#shitkickcancer

Cancer, ugh!: Doubters? Sorry but suck it!

Cancer, ugh!: Doubters? Sorry but suck it!: "Sorry but it's inoperable." "It appears mid to late stage. I'm sorry. Would you like something to help you sleep?&qu...

Doubters? Sorry but suck it!

"Sorry but it's inoperable."

"It appears mid to late stage. I'm sorry. Would you like something to help you sleep?"

"You'll graduate at Christmas." (Gander, NL slang for flunking out of university.)

"They'll never return your call."

"Your injury is in the worst 10% I've seen. You'll have to start looking at hobbies that are not physically demanding."

"You're a Canadian so they think you know nothing about basketball. Hockey, yes but not basketball."

"You don't have the pre-requisites so you shouldn't take this class. It'll be tough for you to pass."

By the time lunch time hits tomorrow each one of us will encounter someone who will decide to cast doubt on something we plan to do, a thought we have or an idea we mention in passing. Don't think of it as doubt but as a challenge. There's nothing better than proving someone wrong no matter how innocent their intentions were. I love nothing more than someone telling me I can't do something or it's out of my league. Maybe I will be defeated but it's not a failure if you actually try. It's standing at the base of a mountain and turning around that is failure. 

Each of the quotes from above are from teachers, friends, fellow coaches and doctors. I could have listened but I didn't and I won't. The great thing about being alive is facing these challenges and how we overcome them. 

      No Pre-requisites: I received an A. Thanks D.B.!

What's motivating me right now? The joy of being alive, of being with a family I love and wanting to get old with them, of being blessed with knowing and meeting so many special people, of little tiny things that I savor a little longer like friendly banter with the nurse who's trying to run an IV line.

Nurse: Do you have any allergies?

Me: Penicillin and country music. Especially guys like Keith Urban who seem a little...you know what.

Nurse: (Blank look)

Me: Penicillin. 

      Too Canadian: I was put in charge of defensive stations for camp coaches at Indiana

      University during camp week 2 in 1995. Thanks R.F.!

The great thing about fighting cancer is the doubters are disappearing. I'm being surrounded by a medical team that is fighting for me, friends and strangers who are cheering me on. Every day I feel stronger and more confident. Am I going to win? No idea but it's going to be an awesome fight.

      Injury: I started rock climbing and did a 300 foot multi-pitch climb within 4 years. Thanks

      Doc L.!

The first two doctors to tell me I had cancer gave me nothing but hopelessness. I left expecting the third doctor to come in and ask if I had a nice black suit, no shoes required. However, that didn't happen he came in and threw me hope. There lies my problem with those who put down your ideas and plans and aspirations. No one has the right to take hope away. I told an intern a few weeks ago that same thing and repeated it in front of the other doctor. I told him after listening to him for five minutes I wanted to swallow a gun barrel. I haven't seen him in the clinic since. I don't know why but I don't really care. It's my life and right now you're in my way.

      Returning my call: The assistant coach at Indiana University called back and became a 

      friend who had me down a couple of times. Thanks Norm!

My favorite players were those who were so determined that once the ball was tossed up they knew they were going to win and played like it until the buzzer went and the scoreboard told them different. They were fighters, winners. I've coached a few players who played great when they expected to win but against a tougher opponent they didn't try because they KNEW they were going to lose. They lost because they never tried. They gave up at the base of the mountain and walked away. I smile and say hi to you but I'll never see you anything but a quitter. Sorry. 

     Christmas Graduate: First semester was higher than my high school grades. Thanks

     Mrs. R.!

Every time I walk into the chemo suites or the hospital I do it with a big smile on face and a few good one liners ready. I'm in control and charging at it. I actually enjoy each visit because every time I go there cancer is being fought and that's got to put a big shit eating grin on my chubby face. 

Of course, I'm leaving out failures because I don't need to focus on failure when failure means death. The time it's not a failed course, an arthritic ankle or a red face. I'm climbing this mountain and never turning back. I'll either die on this mountain or plant my flag at the peak.

     Inoperable & Sleeping Pills: To Be Continued...

"...see if we can give 'em a big old shit burger to eat." Lou Brown, Major League

#shitkickcancer